Ten short stories
Well the pungent smell of our kitchen has left me trapped in my bedroom like some form of wounded raccoon. Given the three options of working,tidying or this im whacking up an update which my give you a brief picture of life as a student.
1. Exam timetables
One man,three exams . Fair enough,the exam period is about 15 days long so I should be ok. However some asshole is Southampton has decided to cram these three examinations into 24 hours,a afternoon one followed by a morning and afternoon the next day. Why? Why would someone do this apart from being a complete and utter shit?
2.Jamie cooks Rob's swipe card.
We all have swipecards needed to enter our building and so obviously we thought it would be funny to hide Rob's. I distinctly told Jamie
"Put it in the microwave"
Why the hell not,who's going to look there!.
What I did NOT tell him was....
"Put it in the microwave and then cook it for five minutes"
In fairness it was only in for 3 seconds,yet it still didn't work. Jamie now owes Rob £20 and while I do feel a bit responsible,if people don't listen then practical jokes will go wrong.
3. BBQ
A few weeks back we whacked up a disposable BBQ outside one Sat for about 10 of us as the weather was nice. It all came to about £2.50 a person for as much food as you want and 4 cans of beer so was nice and cheap and generally a good laugh,at this point a big cheers to Adam for the cooking. Rob and Larry miss it so we tell a 'white lie' when they get back that about 60 people turn up including fit institute girls which he believes for a good 6 days before finding out the truth...
4.Art Attack!
As you can imagine by now Robs pretty stressed so we decide to cheer him up.
"I cant imagine how Rob could be angry with a spontaneous Art Attack" - Rich
So we go for it....
What you're seeing there is Robs face on our kitchen floor with tomato ketchup,bbq sauce and (shudder) mayonnaise.
And Rob loved it and found it funny and it did indeed cheer him up.
However....
None of us could really be assed to clear it up,it was a lot of effort and the longer we left it,the more it stank. Until in the end we forced Jamie to clean it up.
6 days later............
How dare you judge us based on the fact we do that sort of thing. HOW DARE YOU!!
5.Rob quits...
Art! Not 502 luckily. He's had enough and is going to go for a music course next year after getting his awards this year. This seems like a shrewd move as he's quality on a guitar and has a genuine love for music and we all wish him lots f luck when he goes up to Birmingham in Sept.
6.Chav alert
Much to our horror yesterday 8 young misguided tracksuit wearing souls (chavs) around the age of 10 were havin a look at our bike shed. When I say having a look I mean trying to break in. After yelling at them,they soon shat themselves and began to run away,aided by an egg thrown lovingly from the hand of Jamie. Bless
7.Saints go down
Yeah its a shame,I wanted to use their membership to go to Highbury but never mind. I consolidated by yelling abuse at the dejected Southampton supporters who parked their cars illegally by our flat.
8. Text drama.
The local nightclub 'the cube' has a big screen on the dancefloor where you can text messages to. One night Jamie and Rich went to some form of dangerous drunken war over it.
"LADIES...LOOK FOR JAMIE THE GYPSY BOY. WILL ONE OF YOU NOT TAKE PITY ON THIS 20 YEAR OLD VIRGIN?"
To add insult o injury,when this came up on the screen a bloke saw Jamie's horrified look and said "You must be Jamie the 20 year old virgin" Quality.
Enlisted onto Jamie's side,the following reply is sent.
"LADIES,RICHARD WALKER OF PSYCHOLOGY IS YOUNG AND SINGLE. HE MAY BE A PERVERT AND A TORY BOY AND INCREDIBLY DESPERATE BUT LOOK OUT FOR THIS YOUNG WHIPPER SNAPPER"
unfortunately Rich does philosophy,not psychology,but I'm pretty drunk at this point,which explains the use of Whipper Snapper. Jamie then sends another saying.
"RICHARD JACKS OFF 10 TIMES A DAY,MORE OFTEN THEN THAT STUD JAMIE HOWLETT"
And his face lights up when it starts moving along the screen...
"RICHARD JOGS 10 TIMES A DAY,MORE OFTEN THEN THAT STUD JAMIE HOWLETT"
The DJ had changed it to favour Rich instead for some reason. Jamies face at this point was fantastic.
9. Jamie's obsessiveness
One of the best things about Jamie is he's not afraid to go up to a girl and talk to her in a nightclub. The bad thing is once he does he tends not to give up,usually pursuing her drunk around the club all night. After pulling last Monday, Jamie got a girls number and left the nightclub before trying to text her. Much to his horror shed given him a 10 digit number not 11. Heartbroken Jamie goes to bed.
The next day he knocks on my door.
"I did something really stupid last night"
"Yeah,you got the girls number wrong"
"Well yeah.. and about half 6 this morning I was still pissed and had an idea"
At this point he produces a sheet of A2 card with digits all over the front and back
"what's this"
"I text every possible combination I could think of"
"At half 6 this morning"
"Yeah"
"how many numbers..."
"111"
"You text 111 different numbers to try and find some random girl ... at half 6"
"Yeah"
"Jesus..... She wasn't even that good looking"
"While I find what you did cute Jamie,the law might have a different approach to it" - Rich
He's had about 20 texts,all saying the same thing "Sorry wrong number but good luck" Will he find this girl? Only place to find out is from yours truly.
10.Gladiators.
On the train to Cardiff to watch Reading play I start up a convo of Gladiators (the series,not the shit film) to Swade and Grist,ripping the people who were on it, thinking the could compete on it. The bloke sat next to us starts to chuckle
"Sorry,I'm just laughing because I was a contestant on gladiators"
Think about this,what are the chances of
1.Me talking about a TV show that hasn't been on for a good 7 years
2.The bloke sat next to me being a contestant on there?
Incredibly slim. At first I think he's lying but he wasn't filling us in with when he was on,who he faced,training he had and how the show worked. Incredible.
Anyway I have to venture into the kitchen to clean it up for Poker night....
Cheers for reading
Byeeeee
Word of the Day - Gladiator
PS:Happy Birthday Gem !
Well the pungent smell of our kitchen has left me trapped in my bedroom like some form of wounded raccoon. Given the three options of working,tidying or this im whacking up an update which my give you a brief picture of life as a student.
1. Exam timetables
One man,three exams . Fair enough,the exam period is about 15 days long so I should be ok. However some asshole is Southampton has decided to cram these three examinations into 24 hours,a afternoon one followed by a morning and afternoon the next day. Why? Why would someone do this apart from being a complete and utter shit?
2.Jamie cooks Rob's swipe card.
We all have swipecards needed to enter our building and so obviously we thought it would be funny to hide Rob's. I distinctly told Jamie
"Put it in the microwave"
Why the hell not,who's going to look there!.
What I did NOT tell him was....
"Put it in the microwave and then cook it for five minutes"
In fairness it was only in for 3 seconds,yet it still didn't work. Jamie now owes Rob £20 and while I do feel a bit responsible,if people don't listen then practical jokes will go wrong.
3. BBQ
A few weeks back we whacked up a disposable BBQ outside one Sat for about 10 of us as the weather was nice. It all came to about £2.50 a person for as much food as you want and 4 cans of beer so was nice and cheap and generally a good laugh,at this point a big cheers to Adam for the cooking. Rob and Larry miss it so we tell a 'white lie' when they get back that about 60 people turn up including fit institute girls which he believes for a good 6 days before finding out the truth...
4.Art Attack!
As you can imagine by now Robs pretty stressed so we decide to cheer him up.
"I cant imagine how Rob could be angry with a spontaneous Art Attack" - Rich
So we go for it....
What you're seeing there is Robs face on our kitchen floor with tomato ketchup,bbq sauce and (shudder) mayonnaise.
And Rob loved it and found it funny and it did indeed cheer him up.
However....
None of us could really be assed to clear it up,it was a lot of effort and the longer we left it,the more it stank. Until in the end we forced Jamie to clean it up.
6 days later............
How dare you judge us based on the fact we do that sort of thing. HOW DARE YOU!!
5.Rob quits...
Art! Not 502 luckily. He's had enough and is going to go for a music course next year after getting his awards this year. This seems like a shrewd move as he's quality on a guitar and has a genuine love for music and we all wish him lots f luck when he goes up to Birmingham in Sept.
6.Chav alert
Much to our horror yesterday 8 young misguided tracksuit wearing souls (chavs) around the age of 10 were havin a look at our bike shed. When I say having a look I mean trying to break in. After yelling at them,they soon shat themselves and began to run away,aided by an egg thrown lovingly from the hand of Jamie. Bless
7.Saints go down
Yeah its a shame,I wanted to use their membership to go to Highbury but never mind. I consolidated by yelling abuse at the dejected Southampton supporters who parked their cars illegally by our flat.
8. Text drama.
The local nightclub 'the cube' has a big screen on the dancefloor where you can text messages to. One night Jamie and Rich went to some form of dangerous drunken war over it.
"LADIES...LOOK FOR JAMIE THE GYPSY BOY. WILL ONE OF YOU NOT TAKE PITY ON THIS 20 YEAR OLD VIRGIN?"
To add insult o injury,when this came up on the screen a bloke saw Jamie's horrified look and said "You must be Jamie the 20 year old virgin" Quality.
Enlisted onto Jamie's side,the following reply is sent.
"LADIES,RICHARD WALKER OF PSYCHOLOGY IS YOUNG AND SINGLE. HE MAY BE A PERVERT AND A TORY BOY AND INCREDIBLY DESPERATE BUT LOOK OUT FOR THIS YOUNG WHIPPER SNAPPER"
unfortunately Rich does philosophy,not psychology,but I'm pretty drunk at this point,which explains the use of Whipper Snapper. Jamie then sends another saying.
"RICHARD JACKS OFF 10 TIMES A DAY,MORE OFTEN THEN THAT STUD JAMIE HOWLETT"
And his face lights up when it starts moving along the screen...
"RICHARD JOGS 10 TIMES A DAY,MORE OFTEN THEN THAT STUD JAMIE HOWLETT"
The DJ had changed it to favour Rich instead for some reason. Jamies face at this point was fantastic.
9. Jamie's obsessiveness
One of the best things about Jamie is he's not afraid to go up to a girl and talk to her in a nightclub. The bad thing is once he does he tends not to give up,usually pursuing her drunk around the club all night. After pulling last Monday, Jamie got a girls number and left the nightclub before trying to text her. Much to his horror shed given him a 10 digit number not 11. Heartbroken Jamie goes to bed.
The next day he knocks on my door.
"I did something really stupid last night"
"Yeah,you got the girls number wrong"
"Well yeah.. and about half 6 this morning I was still pissed and had an idea"
At this point he produces a sheet of A2 card with digits all over the front and back
"what's this"
"I text every possible combination I could think of"
"At half 6 this morning"
"Yeah"
"how many numbers..."
"111"
"You text 111 different numbers to try and find some random girl ... at half 6"
"Yeah"
"Jesus..... She wasn't even that good looking"
"While I find what you did cute Jamie,the law might have a different approach to it" - Rich
He's had about 20 texts,all saying the same thing "Sorry wrong number but good luck" Will he find this girl? Only place to find out is from yours truly.
10.Gladiators.
On the train to Cardiff to watch Reading play I start up a convo of Gladiators (the series,not the shit film) to Swade and Grist,ripping the people who were on it, thinking the could compete on it. The bloke sat next to us starts to chuckle
"Sorry,I'm just laughing because I was a contestant on gladiators"
Think about this,what are the chances of
1.Me talking about a TV show that hasn't been on for a good 7 years
2.The bloke sat next to me being a contestant on there?
Incredibly slim. At first I think he's lying but he wasn't filling us in with when he was on,who he faced,training he had and how the show worked. Incredible.
Anyway I have to venture into the kitchen to clean it up for Poker night....
Cheers for reading
Byeeeee
Word of the Day - Gladiator
PS:Happy Birthday Gem !
posted by Gareth @ Wednesday, May 18, 2005
2 Comments:
At 7:25 pm,
Anonymous said…
"At first I think he's lying but he wasn't filling us in with when he was on,who he faced,training he had and how the show worked."
hi, hate to be picky but this backs up the liklihood of him lying, cheers then!
Mark
At 7:29 pm,
Gareth said…
your such a gaylord Mark (Old school insults) I told you not to say that,now everyones going to notice it. It's missing a coma thats all between wasnt and filling. Jesus! Cheers then
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