Wednesday the 9th April 2008

There's 37 things I hate.....

When I was 16, I could start to plan having legal sex in a few years time, and more importantly I could buy a cutlery set from a supermarket without being I'D

When I was 18, I could buy alcohol legally. It didn't taste as nice as it did when I was 17 granted but its still a big milestone.

When I was 22, I celebrated my birthday by working in an editing suite for 8 hours fuelled only by coffee, went home and bought my own birthday cake and worked on my own in my bedroom stressing over a presentation for the next day.

And overnight I became grumpy.

Very very grumpy.

And I love it.

So please don't get too offended,lots of these faults I do as well.

The Internet

1. Any ad pop ups when I'm trying to browse a website,especially the ones that take more then a second to get rid of or find the X to close it.

Facebook

2. Anyone who updates their status more then once every 2-3 days. Especially those who do it more then once a day. And the majority of these people are changing their status to complain they have too much work,or are too busy or cant get motivated...

3. Anyone with more then 500- 750 pictures of themselves on Facebook

4. Anyone with more then 400 friends on Facebook. We know your not that popular....

5. Anyone who adds me on Facebook who I'm not friends with... Adding me because we went to school together where I didn't speak or acknowledge your existence for 5 or 7 years is pointless. I've had five years to find you and talk to you and ask how your doing, I didn't... move on.

6. Anyone who nominates me for ANY fucking Facebook application. ANY of them. Just scrolling through the list of ones I have to now delete..' Which Super Mario am I...' , ' Which Disney princess am I' ... Please please please don't send them to me - I have a degree for fucks sake...

7. Writing on your own wall - Don't do it,it doesn't look good. If it's a message for someone else just put it on their wall... it's not hard...

8.Anyone who's stupid enough to have joined the 'RIP Neil Buchanan Group' on Facebook when he's not even dead. There is a number of rubbish groups out there but this is the worst,tackiest and most disgusting I've seen for a group for,saying a man is dead when he isn't...

Photographs

9. Doing the hand on your chin pose pretending to look intelligent. It was funny when we were 17,18,19 - when you hit twenty just stop it, you look a dick....

10. Anyone who takes photos of themselves with their own camera just holding the camera away and pointing at themselves. Just find someone to take it for you, is it that hard? Do you know its the penultimate way to take a tacky photo - its never going to look good.

11. Taking a photograph of yourself in a mirror - The ultimate way to produce a truly tacky crap photograph. When will it ever look good really? There's me there in the photograph, with the sun glaring in the background - but you can just make me out...

"Why not just get someone to take it"

"No need with a mirror and a flash camera, I'm thinking outside the box"

Good for you

On MSN Messenger...

12. Nudging me if I take longer then 10 seconds to reply to you

13. Attention seeking MSN names. If you have a problem,well I'm sorry but you've got friends to say 'Can i have a chat too?' and if your on my MSN list then I'm one of them. Don't have as your MSN name 'Same old Rubbish,Don't know why I bother' - 'New Start New Me' or anything like that because I'm fairly sure you know what you're doing and your looking for attention.

14. Same above goes for Facebook status...

15. Anyone with a MSN name only one other person will get, just seems incredibly pointless...

16. Same for Facebook status again.

17. Anyone who says 'LOL' every other line. 'LOL' stands for 'Laughing out Loud'. So if something is said in the conversation that does make you 'Laugh out Loud', then sure,use it...
If I say something that makes you smile,don't use it. You didn't laugh. If you didn't even smile certainly don't use it. There are so many other things you can say and I just don't want a conversation where every other line is 'LOL' ... Yes I'm a funny-ish guy apparently but even so...

18. So if you didn't Laugh out Loud,the chances are you didn't Laugh out Loud whilst rolling on the floor. So why claim you did. And its more letters then 'LOL' and ironically both are meant to be shorthands for conversation which are actually longer then 'Ok' which is what you should have said.

19. Anyone who says 'LOL','ROFL' etc in real life conversation. How is it cool or trendy or clever... I just actually want to shoot you if you ever do that in a conversation you have with me really.

Football

20. Whinging about supporting a local team and how everyone should do it. I watched Bristol City in October Vs Charlton and I genuinely would have got more entertainment from setting fire to my £20 it cost to buy the sodding ticket. I would also have been much warmer.
I enjoy supporting Arsenal, simple as that. I don't care that they aren't local to me, I can support who I want. And just how local is 'local' - An English team, a team in the South West, my local town team... Democracy is what it's about and if my teams not local who cares!

21. BUT .. but but but but, if you pick a team, you stick with them through anything. The second you move to another team because another team wins promotion,or the Premiership,or Champions League is the second you sacrifice loyalty and passion for simple glory which goes a long way to summing you up as a person really. (In my opinion,which may not reflect those of others... but you know it does)

22. So when you've picked your team,unless they aren't in this country you should have watched them by now. At least once. Ive been stuck on the Arsenal waiting list since I was 16 and was so desperate to see them play I actually signed up for Southampton membership and watched them in the Saints end when I was at uni. Ive seen Arsenal four times in total and Man United twice as well. If I can do it,no excuse really.

Mobile

23. Putting 'Tb' at the end of a text. I get the feeling if Hitler was around today he'd put that at the end of his texts....

24. Putting 'Ptb' at the end - now your just incredibly clingy.. Please text me,Please,please - your my only friend...its like your clinging onto my leg and I need to shake you off.

25. Leaving me an answer phone message instead of a text, there's no need unless your a business e.g Tesco - They pay for my phone credit.

Television

26. Catherine Tate Show - Just stealing ideas from other shows,maybe 3 original sketches a show and not one that's funny.

27. Will and Grace - Narrowly beating Tate to worst comedy ever.

28. - X Factor - Goes on for half a year,attracts people who cant sing for the first month and produces a winner that has a 20-25% chance of still being around the year after.

29. Cash in the Attic - The single worst show on television ever. Never before has a show shown how greedy,material obsessed and unconcerned with family past an individual can be. I've seen families sell Grandads war medals he earned serving his country to, and I quote ' Get one of those really nice big plasma TVs for the front room'....

Others

30. Asking me if I've ever dug up dinosaur bones - No I haven't, I study human remains,Dinosaur stuff is much deeper.

31. Anyone who tells me Ricky Gervais is obnoxious and arrogant without having the intelligence to fathom its actually an act.

32. Comments that I take my laptop everywhere - There's probably a good reason for it, have you seen my writing? Are you aware I spend an hour and a half on the train every weekday... And if I've got it open at the pub rather then join in the conversation, then talk about something interesting and I'll close it in a second. Bare in mind you are competing against instant pornography here.

33. Comments students don't do any work... co incidentally from people who haven't been to uni and the last book they read was 'Champ the Wonder Horse'.

34. People who still go out,drink too much,get pissed EVERY Fri/Sat night and then when asked about their evening the next morning say 'Drank far too much'. Getting drunk every once in a while is fun enough, every weekend though? It's not as if we're going to suddenly think you're a hero for drinking that 10th pint and trying to kiss me whilst chatting up anyone you see with a voice so slurred you cant even hear what your saying!

35. When you meet someone in the supermarket you haven't seen for ages and have a 10-15 minute chat to them to catch up and then you walk past them down another aisle 3 minutes later. What do you say,nothings changed - you just pretend they aren't there and walk on,it's probably the most awkward situation there is.

36.People who talk to me who claim to know me who I cant remember. I'm forced to maintain a conversation,while ask questions that will try to help me narrow down where I know the person from whilst bluffing I remember him should he ask 'Do you even remember my name?'

37. Anyone who judges me for reading the sun. Firstly I read it for the football strip Striker, I have £25 of shares invested in it. Secondly I read books on post processual archaeological theorems, stratigraphy,material culture etc every day . If I want to read a builders paper for 15 minutes then it's to save my brain more then anything.

The topless lady is just a added bonus.

Thanks for Reading! Feel free to comment below

Monday the 10th March 2008

This weekends actions was hyped up as a weekend that saved the FA Cup and English football itself and from a neutral point of view it was fantastic to see.

Even before the first ball ws kicked in the quarter finals,there were strong arguments that the FA Cup had retained some of its magic. One footballer had been hung to dry by the media for saying that he didnt care about the cup as long as his team stayed in the premiership. The fact it caused such a big reaction suggests that he may have had a point. Players want a career at the top with their club,not one cup run to remember.

The big four (including my team Arsenal) hold such a boring hold over the other clubs that inevitably you put all your effort into a cup run to run into one of these top four teams who have won it the last 12 seasons. And as a supporter,when you win it you dont give a stuff. Thats why theres a lot more intrest now that around 60% of british football supporters have had their teams knocked out.

Scenes such as Havent and Waterloo taking the lead twice against Liverpool and Barnsleys last gasp winner http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1H7X_zaL2o&feature=related arent as commonplace each season now. Whats perhaps more intresting was the crumble of Premiership teams from the start,whether due to unfortunate draws - see Aston Villa, Giantkillings - E.g Everton or mistaking a balloon for a ball because really your a bit of a twat - Man City. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcxhnvJO3Tc

Looking at this weekend, I dont know which I prefered - The sight of Rio going in goal with a goalkeepers shirt so big it looked like a dress with the Manchester United staff taking the loss as well as they always do. This was made even more sweet with these comments by both managers before the game.

"We'll go there with exactly the same system that has won us so many games away from home. Two wide men (Utaka and Kranjcar) who can't defend to save their lives and a striker up front (Kanu) who can't run around that much. That is it really."Portsmouth boss Harry Redknap


"I can't name a strongest team. I could pick four different starting XIs and say every one is as strong as the other." Alex Ferguson




Or Chelsea battering the Barnsley defence for the final twenty mins with fans running on the pitch thinking it was full time. Made even better by the fact Avram Grant told Frank Lampard he wouldn't be needed for the game and so he was at home watching it on TV.

So out of the four who left it,who'll win it.

Portsmouth (Or as I call them,The Arsenal B Team)

You'd think they've already won it listening to my mates who are Pompey fans. Theres 5 in total and only ones slightly cautious about the semis. When your the last premiership team left,it automatically makes you favourites, especially when one player costs about the same as the rest of the three teams put together.

I've also seen a few of Portsmouths FA Cup games and they've failed to convince the last two games at least. On another day Man United would have battered them (flashbacks of Arsenal Man United Fa Cup Final 2005),and Preston did enough to win also before a own goal in injury time.

That said, if they keep that luck for two more games,they'll win the cup. And with the ex-Judas leading the way his team will hopefully have more of a level headed attitude then the frenzy gripped Portsmouth supporters. And few neutrals would begrudge Redknapp or James,two people respected by me at least lifting the FA Cup.

West Brom - Much as I dont really want them to win it due to the lack of romanticism as a neutral, West Brom have been outstanding. You can only play what opposition your given in football. While Portsmouth have only won by the odd goal in every round including struggling championship sides,West Brom have really accelerated their FA Cup run. In the last three games,they've scored 13 goals - ten away from home. Yes theres an argument they've had a relatively easy run in but they've put goals passed these 'weaker' teams to suggest Portsmouth are in for a tougher test then they think.

Cardiff - Have had possibly the most intresting run in Playing the conference teams such as Chasetown and Hereford have been potential pitfalls navigated rather then easy teams to play against. I think the pressure got to Boro in the last round and had the days been reversed and the players not known what a big chance this was to win the cup with Man U and Chelsea out then there would have been a more relaxed game. Regardless,they capitilised on this and again for the neutral,the idea of Fowler and Hasselbank winning the cup would be a great image.

Barnsley - Probably every neutrals team they want to win including myself. Beating Liverpool and Chelsea in a cup is something any team would be proud of. The way they've achieved this is something which will hopefully give hope to a lot of teams next season when the Fa Cup begins.

Can they win it? It depends on the mentality now. Logistically speaking if Barnsley can keep going and keep the momentum they've had for the last two games they can beat anybody left in. The danger is that they relax and see these games as easier games as Portsmouth might do.

No team in this last four is a favourite if this years run of games has taught us anything. Every supporter of these teams will be aware that this is the best chance in 100 years their team has had to win the cup and it maybe another 100 more before we see an Fa Cup as extraordinary as this one has been.

Feel free to leave comments below!

Thanks for Reading

Friday the 4th January 2008

I promise I'll finish off Exmoor part 2 (from what I can still remember of it) and the other stuff I've been up to soon, but I've been meaning to get this post out the way for about four years so i'll nail it today as it seems a really appropriate time.

When your in 6th form,your lessons seemed to be more fun. You're not wearing uniform (or the disgusting white polo shirts we started wearing) , you call the teacher by the first name and have regular access to the coffee machine where you could get a cup of truly awful mud water for just 35p, (a lot of my Tesco wages must have gone there).


For me,psychology lessons were my favorite because of the atmosphere of the class. It was in fact,so much fun that I started to record the random things that happened in each class from the back of the room,alongside Richard Hawkes and Belinda my right hand man (and woman) in the hope of typing them up into the blog one day.

Now seems a really good time to do this and dedicate the post to two people.

Jason Whiley left Clarendon this winter and taught me since I was 14.He was one of the best and most popular teachers around and I learned more about life from him and ways to look at the world then any one else at Clarendon and was a really relaxed and brilliant guy to have teach you (apart from about Watergate). Jase, its a big thanks to you that I am who I am today,whether it's writing religious stories with Arsenal players involved,or THAT phone call to Bristol Zoo. Cheers for your support and you'll be a big loss to the Clarendon kids coming up this year.

The other guy is Lee Anteney who was a mate since year 7 and in the same psychology class. When you read through the blog entry you'll notice he's not mentioned. Thats because Lee didn't have to show off like me to get attention and be popular, he was always himself and so polite to everyone. He was the very definition of a nice guy.

My favorite memory of him is two years ago playing a series game against the year below. Lee was running towards their goal and had beaten about 2 players already and found himself with just the keeper to beat with an easy finish,whilst I'm sprinting/waddling up the pitch screaming for the ball. Rather then take the glory,Lee passes it to me and I just swing at air with an open goal and fall over. Lee just looks at me in the mud and we both laugh as he helps me up.

I'm really sorry Lee that I didn't make more effort to see you when I found out you were ill and a few texts from me was nowhere near enough. I was too worried about my little problems like my break up and MA course beginning. Thank you so much for the memories and thanks for being such a good mate,I wont forget you.

RIP
...........................................................................

The Psychology Diaries

20th Oct 2003

Flying Saucers bought. Lesson starts late. Whiley (JCW) is wearing purple - AGAIN!. Flying Saucers NOT good value for money,will stick to malteasers in future. Selina puts on her glasses and finds a penny in the case. JCW gets closing to yelling - rare occurance,is he stressed? Beckys boyfriend apparently 'shakes' .Debate if JCW is Scottish. Lesson ends 3 mins early.

23rd Oct 2003

JCW isn't in.Chaos reigns. No one plays Pictionary with Gareth,leaving him distraught. Belinda tidies her bag, she has pretty much all of Boots stock in it. Selina and Yvonne swap with each others diets for a day. Highlight of a poor hour.

3rd Nov 2003

Belinda ruins Gareth 2 hour essay and thinks its funny. JCW attempts American accent and fails. Gareth moves away from Belinda and sits next to Damon. Belinda looks distraught on her own and cant cope. Gareth is more cheerful immediately.

6th Nov 2003

JCW swears? Debate if 'Piss' is a swear word. Selina asks "a very intelligent question" JCW attempts to impersonate Tintin ,fails. He then tells a crap joke and claims he got it from his four year old daughter. Shows the class crap colouring in and claims it is from his four year old daughter.No one believes him.

10th Nov 2003

No Belinda,Gareth struggles to be the joker of the class and write the diary at the same time. Buys Ferreo Roche to annoy her when she comes back. Gareth finishes work first and considers a permenant seat switch with Richard. JCW sings "There may be trouble ahead". Everyone takes a red lolly apart from Alex, he goes for green.

17th Nov 2003

JCW makes a convincing actor,possible career. Lord of the Rings DVD noted on his table,unprofessional.Belinda reads wrong paragraph after not paying attention.

20th Nov

JCW goes "Ssssssh". Claims he has "Damon on his mind". Realizes there is a diary going on and is very impressed. Gareth takes all the credit. Belinda writes the best letter and gets a smiley face. Gareth's is funnier which is what he wanted. Belinda shows off and asks JCW to post hers off. JCW smiles and ignores her,knowing shes gone too far. Richard Hawkes burps.

27 Nov 2003

Room change! Selina thinks she is "a crap reader" , JCW "begs to differ". Sammy reads the diary. Bekki Phillips is a 'cow racist' , a term coined by Gareth. JCW banks at Barclays. Sammy plays hard to get. Gareth is the 7th best kisser out of 42 according to Bekki. Gareth wants this printed onto a framed certificate.

1st Dec 2003

Gareth has 'Fastest Finger', beating Richard at maths. Gets up to 1,000 pounds.Damon lets him down as his phone a friend. Weakest Link played,Brown only person to get every question right.

4th Dec 2003

JCW 'No Show' Second day in a row Belinda hasn't had a lesson"Starting to piss her right off".Richard swears.

8th Dec 2003

Belinda sings like Cartman. JCW 'changes' Gareth is "Pissed off with GMTV". Belinda has poor nails.

16 Dec 2003

Diary extended to some of Mrs Thomas's lessons (JAT) JAT tries German accent,fails spectacularly. JAT "refuses to give us the page reference" and cracks after three seconds.
JAT on self efficiency "It wasn't Bandura's complete baby" - Brilliant quote!

18 Dec 2003

JCW attempts to rap,fails. Promises 'Crazy Stuff'. Selina claims she has "Had enough of Gareth this year" JCW "Cant stress it enough" and inspires class. Richard wants too much for Christmas.JCW talks about lesbians too much.Lizzie has 'Bad attitude problem'

8th Jan 2003

Belinda produces a work of art - so does Gareth but to a lesser extent. Alex's border artwork produces a tear from Gareth

9th Jan 2004

Gareth asks "a very intelligent question" . JCW freaked out when he realises Gareth has learned half the textbook over Christmas.Gareth = Rain Man.

12 Jan 2004

JCW raps - the world is stunned,proof that he is white. Belinda copywrites about a million songs during the lesson.

15th Jan 2004

Gareth is wearing a a football ref shirt,possible new system for clearing the common room with yellow and red cards. JCW asks us to do "The mother of all tasks". Gareth claims Mr Bump from the Mr Men has Münchhausen Syndrome.JCW dares Gareth to put this in the exam.

Richard "Thought it would work,but it didn't"

Gareth "Thought he could get a joke in there somewhere but failed"

Richard gets the capital of Greenland wrong,thought it was Reykjavik.

19th Jan 2004

JCW takes the register and says "Superb" when he finds out Gareth's here. Nothing when Belinda's name is said.Tone of disappointment where she isn't wanted.

22 Jan 2004

JCW is "confident" Belinda,too stubborn. Gareth is kicked under the table twice. JCW delivers a pun. JCW nicks Gareth's Mr Man idea.Richard takes everyones food.

2nd Feb 2004

JCW guilty of assisting Gareth in two crimes. JCW shares a porno script with the rest of the class, best lesson ever! Class refuse to acknowledge Gareth whenever he insists something is not funny. Three times everyone laughs when he makes a serious point.Gareth claims he has "bought this on himself". Gareth winds up Belinda,has a nasty feeling it will backfire.

5th Feb 2004

Belinda says "Shut Up" in a weird voice. She cant believe someone has set her up.Gareth can,quite easily.JCW and Rich find it hilarious as well. JCW has a theory on how Welsh accents change into Indian ones. JCW 'Bends the Rules' for Becky. Belinda does a sheep accent.. Richard "Isn't promising anything", produces moment of the year with Jamaican accent. JCW "Thats kinda young isn't it Bob"

9th Feb 2004

Gareth turns up late. Refuses to read from the book until everyone is silent.Injects discipline into the class.

11th Feb 2004

JAT comes up with fantastic quotes

"The ranking should be done slowly until your comfortable with it" and "So now we should all be good at ranking". JAT uses the word 'Onerous' - "I dont want you thinking this is a particularly onerous piece of work"

12th Feb 2004

JCW has a tiny bottle of water on his desk,Gareth worries about his daily fluid intake.JCW cracks off a brilliant Micheal Jackson joke and gives out 'Life Tips' . Selina reads JCW's mind.
JCW - "And he got it into his head ' I'm going to design this bloody light bulb' "

Richard doesn't know what acrimonious means. Tries to redeem himself with a joke and fails. JCW described as "Yoda with a beard" Selina takes JCW too seriously "No you cant talk in court".
JCW "Fizz should leave Corrie and join the rest of the Tweenies"

22 Feb 2004

No Gareth! JCW tries to give out a 'Whiley Top Tip' - fails. JCW uses the term 'Snog City'

26 Feb 2004

Gareth takes 8 mins to eat a McFlurry,JCW excited of 'Phillippa murder' JCW "Wants you to get off on the internet" Jerry Springer show discussed, Skinny man raped by fat women.

1 Mar 2004

Belinda comes in late,claims she was in town and "Forgot the time" - Rubbish! Gareth restyles his hair "Has a curtains thing going on",breaks Charlotte's heart.

4 Mar 2004

JCW does a window pun in a criminal voice. Discussion of how Gareth would fare in a fight. 'Bush Boy', one of JCW's mates at school. Selina wants Star Trek toilet doors, Gareth agrees. Alex shares out his malteasers,top man. Class impressed with Gareth Malteaser party trick,keeps a malteaser in the air for 7 seconds.

Alex "JCW,not just a pretty face"

18 Mar 2004

Gareth gives hilarious townie descriptions. Damon uses Gareth's material (with permission) for class humor. Selina threatens JCW again,leaves JCW upset. Sammy "Knows what she means but cant get it out". Selina says "Bitch",not a good example for head girl. Belinda wastes cherry airwave. JCW chucks around sultanas. JCW calls Damon 'Ugly',Damon doesn't mind.

22 Mar 2004

JCW 'commits crime' - steals Alex scarf and bag. Looks like a young John Shaft.

29 Mar 2004

JCW provides a new table arrangement,Gareth sits by Damon and promptly enlightens class with humor and creativity. Start of a beautiful new friendship (in a non gay way) Belinda sits away from Gareth,looks depressed.

19 Apr 2004

Selina's first lesson of not being head girl,Gareth determined not to bring it up. JCW and Damon become film Critics.
Damon "It's a good film"
JCW "It's a very good film"

JCW "Nicking a packet of bonbons - forty years"
Richard "Lock them in irons!"

Belinda doesn't know how many 0's in a billion despite getting an 'a' in business.

21 April 2004

Richard is "On a different trip" JPT pulls off a bit of a hand jive.
JAT - "Its going to be a bit bitty" "Have you touched on the work of Hans"

22 April 2004

JCW "Townies deck their cars like giant penises". Damon on rape - "I'd just lie back and enjoy it"

6 May

JCW wants 'honesty', Gareth gives it. Exams 42 days away.

10 May 2004

Gareth and Damon colour coordinated. Tash is dressed as a golfer. Richard discriminant to dwarfs.
Alex "All Japs look the same... like in Rush Hour 2"
JCW (to me) "I hope your getting this down, I'm not getting done for racism and he gets away with it"

JCW "Jamaicans all wear big hats"


12 May 2004

JPT says...."Hedge your bets","My bet is" etc - gives about 15 hot tips,does she know whats in the paper?
"Smells like a ham sandwich in here"
"They were like little terriers,yap yap yap yap"

13th May 2004

JCW is "In the mood to shop" . JCW advises "Screw authority,get a tattoo saying 'Get Lost',or something worse"

19 May 2004

JAT "Anybody here know what 'Dogma' means?"
Gareth "Can you catch it?"

20 May 2004

JCW uses the term "Spooning and Mooning"

24 May 2004

JCW promises a quiz and then goes back on his word. Fiona laughs ant Gareth stuttering attempt to read from the book. JCW tries to kick start a quiz at 15.23 but fails.

26 May 2004

JAT "That makes C.I.N.T...which I have to pronounce very carefully"

27 May 2004

Fiona and Liz take a 21 minute break. JCW socks says 'P is for Perfect',blatantly an unwanted Christmas gift!

7 June

Attempts to lighten revision fail when noone apart from Gareth plays along to 'Video snap'. Gareth admits hes only doing it out of exam fear.

10 June 2004

Last ever psychology lesson! No one brings in a pen. Quiz! Richard lets the side down on the Harry Potter round. Emotional time for Fiona,Selina and Gareth,four years of Whiley come to an end. JCW gets the round of applause he deserves at the end. Lesson ends one minute early. The diary ends here.....