Thursday the (checks) 20th of October

Oh Christ, how am I meant to do this... ok

Holiday, back in July. 7 days of pure fun with my family. In fairness it wasn’t too bad, apart from the insistence of Steve of taking the dogs everywhere in town which meant I waited outside in the rain while they browsed among the tacky “I went to Tenby” T – Shirts. At one point my dad tries to buy me a £30 Welsh rugby top. Luckily I persuade him to save his cash.

Another point is that everyone in Wales loves dogs; it’s like a nation of Rolf Harris’s or ‘Legends’ which is the plural for more then one Rolf Harris.Any who, as I was walking all three of them, the amount of people who (and this pissed me off) saw me walking three dogs and stopped me saying.

”Are they you’re dogs”

Just review this with me; I’m walking with three leads in my hand

”Are they you’re dogs”

No wonder I didn’t want the Rugby shirt, how thick can you get!!!And then they aren’t satisfied with me answering them, they start petting them. My dogs could have been trained with the police force to kill for all they knew, but no no no, without asking for their previous background they quite happily started stroking them. Luckily nothing happened apart from one old bloke who rolled back the years when he pulled his hand back after Chainer started to growl.

The only good place in Wales is Oakwood. It’s like Butlins but even shitter. However after a week of shopping and with the trailer stocked up with shopping that I can only label under the term of ‘Crap’ it was a welcome break so I took the brother and sister along for the day.

When I was a kid, my favourite ride was Nutty Jakes golden mine.This was a western ride which took you on an underground train thru caves and then the some random moving statue would pretend to press down on some dynamite and blow up the mine while you ‘raced’ (5mph) out. In fairness out of all the rides I was looking forward to going on that just to relieve my all too short childhood.

Thus you can imagine my horror when I found this



It’s too small to see but it’s called Brer Rabbit. Despite this I went on it and when I came out it was so bad I nearly cried. It was one of the worst things I have ever seen ever.Ever,ever,ever. I’m actually getting pissed off now thiking about how bad it was,so will move on. Needless to say Nutty Jake was probably the latest victim of Terrorism with blowing up a mine consider bad PC in this day and age.





The Bobsleighs popularity means you have to que up for 20 mins, during which time the instructions on how to use the Bobsleigh are repeated every minute, so you’ve heard them at least 15 times before you get on one.

”Be sure to keep all hands and feet inside the Bobsleigh at all times. Move the joystick forward to go faster, and back to stop. If you go too fast, you may turn the cart over”

So I go at a respectable speed,theres a bloke on a bridge with 20m to go telling you to slow down anyway so it all seems safe. Which is why when I stop my cart, I hear some prick screaming at the top of his voice behind me as he hurtles down towards me at 10mph. That’s twice as fast as the shitty rabbit train. The asshole hasn’t begun to slow down and I have to get out sharpish before I’m hit with the force of two trains. Does he get told off, does he hell. Spoilt twat. Now had the instuctions said

"If you go too fast,you will kill the person in front of you and becharged with manslaughter possibly murder pending a full enquiry and be sent to jail where you will live your life in terror"

then would that incident have occurred ? Would the line have been as big?



We go on the Pirate ship which is a crap ride in fairness yet just before it starts three girls get on. As we’re sat in the middle they sit directly opposite us.One of them didn’t want to go on at all but typical women gave into peer pressure. So she sits down directly opposite me and as soon as it starts, she screams “I WANT TO GET OFF” in a horrible screeching welsh accent. Then she’s silent and that’s when I realise a girl sat directly opposite me less then 2m away is going to be sick. And if I’m below her when it happens I'm going to get it in my face. And shes a big girl,there will be a lot of it.

It’s amazing how a ride can turn from crap to the scariest experience on earth just like that. I was petrified and moving as far away as possible while signalling to the bloke to stop the ride. Luckily he does so the stupid cow can get off and I was actually shaking with fear.

My sister (who has a name but it’s of no relevance so I wont put it as it will only serve to boost her already staggeringly huge ego) claimed the best ride was the ‘Hydro’. And by best she meant ‘Most likely to kill you’.

Due to its size you can see it all over the park and it hadn’t moved all day much to my relief. Just as we were leaving tho, it suddenly starts to move.
(By that I mean the train starts to move around the ride, not the actual ride moving across the park)
My sisters face lights up and as she’s been on it before I have to go on. I can’t let my younger sister have gone on a ride I was too scared too and before I knew it I was in that queue. I think nothing of the seat outside you have to strap yourself into to check your belt fits you properly until I’m strapped down with no chance of escape. That’s when my sister casually tells us someone fell out and died from this ride 6 months ago.

SOMEONE ACTUALLY DIED FROM THIS RIDE

THIS RIDE HAS KILLED SOMEONE

Of course it’s too late to get out now and the camera happily takes my pic embracing my two biggest fears in life of heights and death



Of course the best thing was I couldn’t stop laughing at it for a month after, it’s a classic. Look at the kid behind me for a Hutchie cameo.

Ok so that was my holiday. Overall just nice spending time as a family for the first week in two years, its amazing how so many people take their parents for granted with their standard hours and don’t realise how lucky they are.

After that the holidays became depressing for me for several reasons, the main one being work, another being Kays death which meant a trip up to Southampton for the funeral, and at this point a big cheers has to go to Josh who I think organised everyone to come up. It was quality catching up with everyone but I wish it had been under better conditions. I also feel bad for not making the effort to get to know her better though you can help people as much as you can but chances of you having any effect depend on the person and I guess she was too rebellious, I still feel bad for maybe not making as much effort today though and try to always make myself available for my mates. This meant cutting the drinks with the guys short afterwards as one of my mates had been in a car crash so I hopped back on the nearest train to Trowbridge.

I didn’t realise how many times I’d be back at Southampton the next few weeks. I was due to be placed in halls for my second year of university, but I couldn’t have my place confirmed because the website and phone lines were down. I was told that I would be told by August 17th or I should ring up when the lines re opened and so I did.

Of course I didn’t have a place. I had nothing, I could put myself down on the list but people with illnesses would be placed above me (How fair is that!!!) All I could do was be given a list of places and ring them up to see if I could become their roommate.

And just too really make it interesting, in 12 days time my dig started.

Fun, fun, fun!!! Of course my parents were loving and understanding and left me to do it by myself after I tried to explain to them how I checked as soon as I could. The first house was a bit dodgy, as in crap. The room was literally the size of a box. Not even a big box, one of those small ones you use for shoes. A shoe box, that’s it. It was stupidly small. When she said there was no broadband at the moment, the only thing that kept me interested was the fact a French girl was moving in, and she’d either be stupidly hot or have a moustache. They always do, theres no compromise.

While I was back in Trow,toiling over the idea of a French girlfriend and no broadband, Dave text me telling me his mate had a spare room and I should check it out. When I found out I had nowhere to live I immediately texted all my mates down in Southampton and the both agreed to do what they could for me. I like to think crisis brings out the best in me.

Tom, Dave and Andy all come with me to see the place and it is hard to describe it.
8 Guys
Sky TV
Broadband
Pool table in games room in the garden
Libertines actually stayed and played here with their band after prom ball last year. (I do have video proof for those disbelievers)

I think I moved in a week later just after the dig began. Life is quality here at the moment and I’m nearly up to date with the blog. However want to talk about the dig some other time due to wristcramp, tiredness and an overwhelming desire to watch scrubs.

DR Cox “When you hear hoofbeats,you think Horsies.Not zebras.Mmmkay Mr silly bear”

JD (subconscious) “Just tell Turk how you feel without making yourself sound desperate”
(Yells) “I MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS SOMETIMES”

Turk “I just want you to know I take my surgery seriously”
JD “Did you stich your initials into me”
Turk “Dats not important,you need some rest now”

Classic.

Cheers for reading

Word of the Day - Pirate
Phrase of the day - "Oh my god,the Heffers going to be sick on me!"
Question of the day -"When did we have a cat puppet in 502?"