Day twelve

One of things our uncle and aunt do this time of year is give our family a tin of quality street.(Not a piddly box with only of of each flavour apart from what appears to be 6 million toffee sticks) a hefty 1kg tin.Anyway we hadn't opened it because we have to unload the fridge of all the crap we bought in a panic xmas eve and realised we dont need (18 stuffing balls,I mean WTF !!)

Anyway the tin was open for about 20 mins unattended in the room.Everyone was in the house.Everyone had a motive for taking the chocolates.They were hungry and wanted chocolate.

When I entered the room after revision I found the tin had clearly been emptied on the floor.The following flavours had all been removed.

Hazelnut in Caramel - Purple wrapper
Stawberry Creme - Round,red wrapper
Caramel Cup - Gold wrapper,round

Blatently someone has riffeled thru the box,taking all the familys favourites and hidden them,we are talking 50+ chocolates.No one has an alabi.

Who did it ?

2/1 FAVOURITE - CHRIS - THE BROTHER

He's quick,like all three flavours and it's just the type of thing he'd do.Easily could get the lid off and sort thru in 5 mins.Only downside is he'd prob have hidden sweets in my room in which case I'd have seen him

4/1 STEVE - THE FATHER

He'd do it,he likes all three and could hide them in the room.Its just the time issue,he's a big lad - 18 stone + ...

Sidenote:If at this point you think my dads a fat asshole,smeg right off,he's been a paramedic for 18 years plus and has saved more lives and done more for his community then you ever will, you miserable tw@

Anyway,he just doesnt seem too have the speed to do it,especially with those stubby fingers to be able to file out all those flavours in time.He can do it,it's just hard imagining him doing it in time.

9/2 - MARY - THE MOTHER

Same goes for Steve ( shes a nurse so again watch it) just a bit too slow and generally too nice.She could do it but she wouldn't.

11/1 - SIAN - THE SISTER

Just too young to have the guts to do it really.Unlike chris she has some form of maturity and moral code.Also doesn't like hazelnuts,so why go to all the bother to take them out.

50/1 A BURGLAR

Thats right,A burglar entered the house,ignored the PC,TV,video etc etc went straight for the tin of quality street and took out three flavours,leaving the house with no one noticing.
Cant help but feel the odds should be higher for this one....

100/1 - MILLY,CHAINER,KARL - THE FAMILY DOGS

Working as a team they took the lid off,tipped the tin off,pulled the flavours out and carried them one by one behind the sofa.They then put them all back in and put the lid back on.

Of course this didnt happen,we checked behind the sofa first thing,nothing there.

SIDENOTE: Have you ever given a dog proper choclate.Why not try it.Dog goes hyper for about 5 hours after a few of them.Its probably illeagel and could kill the dog but can you think of a more fun way of offloading those MARS from the bottom of the celebrations box.

I guess thats a mystery we'll never solve.So as a saftey measure we just punished Chris anyway,it probably was him

Still not sure what to do for tomorrow,quite a lot on my mind.Chances are this is my last entry of 2003 !!! Lets hope 2004 is just as eventful...

Word of the day - Triceratops

Day Eleven

Well the festive part of the year is well and truly over.You can always tell when the only decent film on is Billy Elliot (shudder) Finally I can relax a bit,not bother with overtime and start to revise.

Am just flicking thru the tv paper and there is nothing but crap on,its quite amazing.

"Top ten even more annoying records"

I mean why would someone watch that.Why !!!

Am still annoyed from the last top ten style show i watched where westlife won record of the year beating busted.Its not the fact I like Busted and detest Westlife that it shouldn't have won.It just shouldn't

Victoria>Yes it did
Me>Why ?
Victoria> Because its an amazing song
Me>Buts it's not even their own song !!! Its Barry Manilows.
Victoria> It's better then Busteds
Me>No its not its not their song,they have just taken it
Victoria>But...
Me>STOLEN !!
Victoria>(Sigh)
Me>What a great comeback...Exhaling!

I mean I wouldn't mind if Busted hadn't won it as long as someone decent HAD.Like 50 cent,he's been shot 9 times and still banging them out.How many times has Westlife been shot.Not enough if they still produce shite like that

At least Timberass didn't win it,something to be thankful for...
The christmas eve shopping worked a treat.All shops were dead apart from Argos,prob cos of the ridicoulously retarded staff there.Not all of them but some you just want to punch.They go off looking behind the back for 5 mins and come back

"Sorry,can I just see what it is I'm looking for again"

Retards.They scary bit is when you see the hands at the back handing them the box ...but you never see their face.Like a team of elephant men working there.

Only one place to go if you fail your Argos interview....Woolworths


Spent about 200 this year which means I can do basically sod all till 23rd Jan.Still was probably worth it......actually it really wasn't.200 quid,what the hell was i thinking.Got caught up in the spirt too much I think.

Anyway thanks to everyone who got me something this year.I think all my presents were amazing.Hope you all have a great new year if i dont see you beforehand.

Word of the Day - Roofrack

Day ten

Why is it I'm the only one who isn't in a festive mood yet.I spend all day at work scanning turkeys and crackers and yet with four days to go,I still dont give two sh*ts about Christmas at all....Maybe this happens automatically when you turn 18,like when you begin primary school you found out your parents lied to you for five years,there is no Father Christmas.My god is there no decency left in the world !!

Finished a 13 hour shift at work yesterday and then realised the last 30 hours of my life I'd spent 21 of them at work.I need cash pretty badly now for uni's and so on

Should you feel the need to make a donation please feel free to

Gareth Brown
30 Paxcroft Way
Trowbridge

Dont bother pissing about with postal orders,just cheques.Make it a decent amount too please,Dont want to walk all the way to the bank for just a few quid.....

So as a result of all this work I figured it would be worth having a break from everyone for a bit and focusing on getting cash.Plus I have sod all credit left so I cant keep in contact.

Its also a rehersal for when I leave to uni I guess and I cant keep in contact with you guys anymore.Some people are reliable as hell and always been there for me such as ..

Nathan - He just does anything I ask without asking whats in it for him.Spend three quid on me for Man U Vs Man city programme (I collect them) and also made me a home made birthday card when I said he couldn't come to my Pissup unless he made one.

L'Hillman - Always on MSN

Officer Grist - Will always say something stupid given time

S2 - Always has a word of the day

Nick - Always has history homeowrk I can copy

Richard - Always has psy h/w I can copy

Thats not everyone by any means but it's just a weird feeling that all that regularitys going to go in just a few months.

Bad news on the Uni issue.....Kent accepted me :(

Died on my ass three times reading that poem for the all school assembly and christmas concerts.If you're ever asked to read something out,tell them to shove it up their ass.It saves so much hassle.

What I should have done is got a few Iraqi reporters in the back of the room.My god the noise they made when tht guy said they found saddam.Inconsiderate as hell,a live broadcast to the world and all you can hear is them howling.

"Ladies and Gentlemen,We got 'im" - What kind of an opener is that !!! To the entire world as well,thank god half of them only speak chinease.

"If anyone here was sending Saddam a christmas card this year,dont bother"
"Whats small,hairy and lives in a cage"

Or they could have lowered him down from the ceiling in a cage for everyone to see

"Now ladies and gentlemen,please do not feed Saddam"

But no,instead we got "Ladies and gentleman,we got him" Boring and predictable just like the USA overall

And everyones out celebrating the good news.Again very heartless.Theres 200 Saddam doubles in Iraq who dont have a job this Christmas.Shame on you !!

I cant think of anything else to say to be honest.Amazed the net hasn't crashed by now.

Have to go Christmas shopping on Xmas eve now.Im hoping no one else has that idea..

Word of the day - Beverage

Fact of the day - It takes 22 hours to make a smartie

Day nine

Its been ages since I did an update.Havent had net access,time and I've been too tired.In fact I need a coffee before I even begin..

Ok thats better..

Im not sure where to begin with this entry.Im pretty far behind and by my reckoning the last few have been shite.Not really my fault,sometimes intresting stuff doesn't happen.

But to make sure you guys have a semi - decent read every time you log on I wont make the entries daily,not enough stuff happens,instead i'll make random points every few days.

When you press a button for traffic lights to change and wait there,why does the guy who walks up on the other side of the road,ALWAYS press the button on his side at least once !

"Yeh nice thinking prick,I didnt think to do that,I've been here for hours waiting to cross"

It's like watching Countdown with their dictionary corner.

"Well we've got 396 exactly"
"YES OF COURSE YOU HAVE,YOU HAVE TWO OF YOU WORKING WITH CALCULATORS AND COMPUTERS.ALL I HAVE IS THIS SHEET OF PAPER AND A F*CKING ' I WAS ON COUNTDOWN' PEN"

Got the letter back saying I cant do the London Marathon 'Due to the usual overabundance of particpants' Well thats just great.So since Sept I've been jogging at 4am in the morning for five days a week for sod all.Oh but wait.

'If you are unsuccessful if your application for four years then you are guarenteed entry into the fifth'

Oh good,so I get to run in The London Marathon 2009.Well thats is good news isn't it.Thats the best news I heard since they called my wallet a purse......

So again the weeks been boring thus far,sixth form party is the only thing worth talking about.Good attendence for this one with all the guys coming down to Jd beforehand.

Sidenote Please please pick one,Having a clarendon 6th form party with guests or just A Clarendon and John of Gaunt party with no guests.Dont do both,it just overcrowds the place full of strangers you dont know.Yes some are fit girls 95% of them arent though !!! Just not worth it

DJ was pretty good,he actually did requests.Nearly all the songs that werev requested sucked mind,but it's the thought that counts.

In fact,the party was pretty damn good.Despite not getting with anyone,nearly being sick on twice and running around trying to sort people out,it was really good.Because when your dancing around with all your mates having a good time,you forget why you tried to chase that leggy blonde or big chested brunette (obviously no gingers though) . Instead you start to sober up slightly and realise that in a few months time you wont see half these people again and the whole point of being 17-18 in the first place is to have a great time.

So this is an extended thanks to all you guys who either a) turned up to the party and didn't ask for a drink or attempt to make a prat out of me and b) those of you who bother to read this and encourage me to keep writing.

A final point is well done to Mr Ali Batch today who ran his ass off the pitch and helped us come from behind to win 7-6. Ali son its good to have you back !!

Anyway I have to get ready for a meal tonight with Senior Student team,ugh I hate all that formal crap.Im so tired still,think I need another coffee.....

Word of the Day - Shagadelic

Day eight

Zebra crossings.I can remember when people STOPPED at them,nearly been killed twice by OAP's who cant see the zebra crossing,women drivers who forget what a zebra crossing is for,and stoned townies who see zebra's everywhere

Sidenote #1 - Who was the first bloke to use a zebra crossing and step out in front of a car ? Brave sod.

Finally have been re united with my beloved wallet.Arrived at Bristol and had to pay £5,ugh scummy Bristol trains.And to cap it off the following was written down in the book

Name:Gareth Brown Item:Black Purse

Purse,bloody purse.Its a wallet.It is a mans wallet with a section where I can hold coins. It is a wallet.God I bet they were laughing at me.Probably thought I was gay

Sidenote # 2- Im not gay.

Anyway,the mission was to watch Matrix 3 in Bath.Fat chance of that.If you ever see a confused Chinease man its because he's been to their tourist information

ME>Hi,Im looking for the third cinema in Bath,I know of the ABC and the Robin,can you tell me where the third one is plz
HER>Yes its right by the Robin
ME>No no thats the ABC
Her>No theres another one there too (with a smug 'I should know,I fialed all my exams and ended up here' look on her face)

So is there,Is there hell.And no one else was showing it and I feel i am above the maturty level needed to go and see 'Elf' . Therefore I went home filmless.

Finally at a stage where I have no more homework to do,its all revision and line learning till Christmas,joy joy joy.

Am wondering when I should have my hair cut,I never bother with it anyway,just wack some gel in and then shake it.But I play a Elizabethan man in my drama play in March and growing it might look good,plus the growing of a beard.Unsure,will just end up looking like a girl.

Word of the day came from S2 yesterday,if you slip it into a job interview and get the position feel free to thank him

Word of the Day - understandibility

Day seven - Tuesday the 3rd of December

Whenever you hold the door open for an old person,they will never say thank you.Never.I've held the door open for 7 OAPS's today and none have said thank you.None.Tossers.

I've had no lessons all day,three different teachers have all cancelled their lessons.At the risk of sounding sexist,they were all women as well.Probably all doing christmas shopping,I dont know,just a let down.

Also thought it would be a good idea to punch a basketball with my thumb.Not the smartest thing I will ever do and its bloody hurts.

And to cap it off I'm stuck by Mark in the library who's telling me Christmas jokes

What did Adam say to his wife on Dec 24th
Its Christmas,eve

So all that added together plus lack of sleep and lines to learn for drama = why i'm not in the best mood today.

Am begining to start a dangerous addiction which I cant stop..AA batteries for my cd player.The bloody thing sucks up power so much and I need to listen to my music for any kind of sanity while I type.Ive spent about 40 quid on batteries in three months.Thats the equivalent of about 25 bottles of Smirnoff Ice.Thats the equilvelent of being pissed for 50 days.I've tried giving it up and making my own music instead for free with a harmonica and a triangle but it's just not the same.

Am also running low on cash already,as a result Christmas presents have had to be reduced

Name Was getting.... Now getting......
Steve New watch 30 Tesco value binliners
Mary Jacket 30 Tesco value binliners
Sian CD Player 30 Tesco value binliners
Chris Sod All Sod All

Hopefully that will free up some cash and keep the house tidy and rubbish free over the festive period.

If you've got a spare moment now,just run google.com and look for adrain Fox in images for a nifty picture of the electric bike running english teacher which you can set as your background for your PC.Be the envy of your friends today!

Answers from yesterday..
1.Who is Fulham football clubs manager ? Chris Coleman
2.What is Proxy Munchausen Syndrome ? Using another to fake illness to gain attention from the medical profession for yourself
3.Who plays at Pride Park ? Derby County Football CLub
4.What is a Sprite apart from a drink ? Goblin
5.What is an Iatrogenic Illness ? A illness that a doctor has percieved from looking at you.

Word of the Day- Wampum

Day 6 - Monday the 1st of December

First day of december at last and finally you can buy and start your advent calenders.Always wondered just who buys them in late August when TESCO started selling them.Sad sad people in todays society.

First of all an apology for the lack of update,it should keep going daily now.Just been bombarded with work and a hefty schedule of drinking which i reluctantly accepted.Also I know I double posted I just cant think of how to get rid of it to be honest.

Sunday at work always really gets on my nerves.I swear there has to be more to my weekends then scanning barcodes.Being paid £8.38 an hour helps...a lot but still.Then I was given my freedom on Sunday afternoon.Pushing sodding trollies in the pissing rain for three hours.And do people thank you,do they hell,thank god I gave it up and went on tills.

Is it really that bad ? Not usually,you get a break from tills,you can text and in general do what you want.But when it's coming up to Christmas,people become stressed..

The following story actually happened

As I'm meant to I asked a bloke who was strapping his kid in the seat if he wanted me to take his empty trolley and shut his boot so he didnt have to get himself or the inside of the car wet.How did this kindly old man respond ?

"NO,JUST LEAVE IT"

He actually yelled at me,what a tosser

ME>Woah ok then

And i took his trolley and added to the train I had collected of about 30-40.This bloke then shuts the boot and looks for his trolley,when he realises I've took it he went nuts and ran over and pushed all thirty of the trollies down the hill

Thats right a grown man of 30-40.Im just as shocked and disgusted as you are.He then got in his car after watching his own destruction and drove off as fast as possible nearly hitting three cars on the way and an innocent lampost.

Thats what Christmas does to adults this time of year,turns them into trolley pushing yelling assholes.And who's to blame.... Supermarkets who put advent calenders out in Sept,putting unwanted pressure on them ! Shame on you !

So as soon as my ears had stopped ringing from Fri I was off out again.One my latest mission,to find a disposable camera at 8 o clock on a Sunday night.Dressed to impress I turned up at my local garage to be confronted by a kindly old man behind the counter.I held my breath..(he did stink) and engagedi n conversation

ME>Hi,do you have any disposable cameras at all ?
HIM>No sorry
ME>Oh...ok then
Gutted and upset I opened the door and began to step outside
HIM>Oh hang on we do a minute

A ray of light shone upon him,my hero of the hour.I ran to the counter

ME>How much ?
HIM>Um..£8.99

Yeah that ray of light went pretty damn quickly.£8.99 for a camera.Monkey making gits at Kodak Grrr !

ME>Um...I'll take it

At this point he doesnt seem to understand that im going to buy the camera,he's insistend on selling it to me,despite the fact im a busy man

HIM>Look see its got a flash there
ME>Yeah ok great,so thats £8.99
HIM>And 39 shots altogether
ME>Ok..superb,here's a tenner
HIM>And the battery lasts till 2005.
ME>Well hopefully I'll get it before then,theres a ten thanks.

So onwards to the party,for personal reasons Ive choose to drink hardly anything tonight.I dont want to become a binge drinker and someone has to keep an eye on the rest of the group.Plus im going thru cash like noones buissness.So two smirnoff was my limit.

Also at this point my extended thanks for lifts to
Mr Andrew Lacey
Mr Nigel Bachelor

So onto the party and...well it was ok,raffle was hardly fun.Highlight of the night for me was a bloke finding out that he'd missed out on a DVD player in the raffle by being in the toilet by the guy who got it when his ticket was drawn next.I mean talk about kicking you when your down...

So onto monday and after waking up feeling like crap on my sofa,i decide to do my psy c/w all day in the FLC.So for 5 hours,I slave away with only my Jackson CD for company.The result is a beautiful document which is about 500 words too long.I sometimes despair,I really do.
Top marks to J C Whiley for producing a classic psy lesson,'The Weakest Link'. I got all my questions correct which I was pathetically proud of.See how many you can get



1.Who is Fulham football clubs manager ?
2.What is Proxy Munchausen Syndrome ?
3.Who plays at Pride Park ?
4.What is a Sprite apart from a drink ?
5.What is an Iatrogenic Illness ?

Answers avaliable tomorrow or whenever the next post comes up.First correct entry to reach me can have this mars bar Ive just found half eaten and covered in fluff down the side of my settee...